I’ve been thinking a lot about how we’ve really been trained to seek validation from others our entire life.
When we’re a kid, if we act in a way that is pleasing to our guardians we’re rewarded, and if we act in a way that is not pleasing to our guardians we’re punished.
Then in school, if we do well, we earn the approval of our teachers (and again our guardians), all while having that ever growing fear that if we don’t do well, we’ll get in trouble by both our teachers and our guardians.
Amongst our peers, we’re trained to fit in, and this way we’ll have friends and be happy - otherwise we fear we’ll be made fun of / deemed a weirdo outcast.
In dating, there’s a pressure to be lovable so we can have a relationship otherwise we're afraid we’ll get heartbroken and judged for being single.
In jobs, we are taught to be a good, hard-working, quiet employee so we can make more money, otherwise there's pressure that we’ll get demoted or fired.
There’s just always this ever constant presence of needing to do and be what we think other people want to see from us otherwise we’ll get hurt, punished, or feel bad in someway.
And this principle of “listen and fit in or there will be consequences” lives in each of us, and really becomes a major limiting belief in holding us back from living our life the way we want to.
Right now: stop and think. If you had absolutely no consequences and no judgements from absolutely anyone in your life - would you be in the career you are? Would you be in the location you are? What would you actually be doing with your life?
The root of almost every limiting belief boils down to the fact that we don’t feel worthy of having / being / doing something.
We often have trouble believing we are worthy because we’ve spent a lifetime putting our worth in the judgements of others.
Do we even know who we are ourselves or are we just a combination of what everyone has put pressure on us to be?
I had an amazing Reiki / Oracle Card reading not too long ago where the talented reader told me everything is a pattern, and to look at certain things that "annoy" you ... do they really annoy you, or is it something that annoys your mom or your dad and you've been trained to feel that way too?
This is definitely some deep thinking, of course, but it’s a great start to begin to take back your power and figure out who you really are and who you want to be. It's a great way to begin release that fear of hurt or punishment if you don't meet someone else's approval.
I recommend journaling on this topic, answer the questions I proposed earlier, and write about who and what you really want to be!
Imagine releasing all of the judgements of everyone else. Breathe in and out and feel yourself letting go of the need for validation from anyone other than yourself. (You can do this anytime you feel yourself giving into the need for other’s approval).
Remember, you are so worthy of anything and everything. The fact that you exist right here, right now, as you means that you are meant to be here; which means you are worthy of achieving all the magic and abundance life has to offer.
It will take practice to really feel this worthy and to release validation from others, but keep working at it. Every day, actively try to choose to not let others make you feel bad, and choose to be fully, completely you.
When others start to impose views on you, in your head you can declare: "This is not true for me. This is not my truth!" to work on releasing their judgements and resetting the narrative in your subconscious mind.
Repeating simple affirmations like “I am worthy just by being me” also really engrains it in your subconscious brain, which helps to make it become your new truth, which allows you truly believe it. Because once you fully believe it, once you let go, that’s when you align to your truest self. And that’s when your entire world opens up. Once you know you are worthy of anything; anything truly does become possible for you!
So keep working at it! Be gentle with yourself, it’ll take time, but as long as each day you try a little bit to build up your self-worth, you’re on the right path.
Remember: the only person’s opinion of you who will ever matter is your own. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You don’t need to seek approval. You don’t need to be afraid of being punished. You are beautifully, wonderfully, amazingly worthy exactly as you are <3
